I watched a three hour live stream broadcast with Christian Pankhurst recently. Maybe you saw it? It was called the “Heart Summit: Feel More.” Christian is the creator of heart intelligence coaching and travels the world speaking and training. His lecture and Q & A was on emotional freedom, intimate relationships and his IQ coaching. It got me reflecting this week on relationships.
When I think about relationships, what usually comes to my mind is my relationship with God, myself, my daughter, my family and friends, my clients, animals and the angels, guides and ascended masters that communicate with me. However, I decided to refresh myself on what Louise Hay has to say about relationships in her influential bestseller YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE. In a short and effective chapter on relationships, that includes a very important practical exercise, Louise writes, “it seems all of life is relationships. We have relationships with everything.” Louise points out that not only does everything reflect the relationship that we have with our self, but, it is “highly influenced by the relationships you had with the adults around you as a child. The way adults reacted to us then is often the way we react toward ourselves now, both positively and negatively.”
I am sure most of us can relate to Louise’s words immediately. Maybe even now you can hear an echo of your mother or father or a teacher ringing in your ears? Bruce Lipton said during his talk at the Hay House Summit that most of us are programmed by age seven. The good news is that we can change our programming.
Louise reminds us that Sondra Ray, the “great re-birther,” claims that every major relationship we have is a reflection of the relationship we had with one of our parents. However, Louise writes that Sondra goes even further than that and claims that until we clean up this first relationship, “we will not ever be free to create exactly what we want in relationships.” Hence, the importance of our ‘inner work’ and continual growth.
Psychologists and psychotherapists have been telling us for what seems like forever that our relationships are reflections of ourselves. I remember hearing frequently in the 80s the refrain ” relationship is a mirror in which I discover myself.” And, one of my psychic mentors, in her lovely, little encouraging notes to me would write the word discover as dis-cover to convey her meaning.
Currently going around on the internet is the message that people are in our lives for “a reason, a season or a lifetime.” Spiritual teachers and healers of this New Age we are living seem to agree that there are ‘soul contracts’ and that not every relationship is necessarily meant to last forever. We are all teachers and students for each other.
In friendships, both people give and receive to and for each other. They give their friend the gift of their ‘authentic self ‘ and that is the greatest gift that we can give and receive. Obviously, we need to feel safe and loved to be able to open our hearts to each other and to be wholly vulnerable and present. Christian Pankhurst talks of “showing up” for the other.
To have an open heart and to come from a place of genuine authenticity and integrity, most of us need to continue to do our ‘inner work.’ Working on our self, with Source, causes us to realize that loving and accepting ourselves, first, enables us to participate in quality relationships. When we love and accept ourselves we allow ourselves to expect and attract that which is for our Highest growth. Our greatest expansion.
In Marianne Williamson’s book entitled A RETURN TO LOVE she writes, ” A relationship is not meant to be the joining at the hip of two emotional invalids. The purpose of a relationship is not for two incomplete people to become one, but rather for two complete people to join together for the greater glory of God.”
We are all on our own journey of finding what is true for us and we are also supporting others on their journey. Part of supporting others is to model, for them, what self-love and self-acceptance looks like. It might be helpful to use one of Marianne’s suggestions. She says: “The most enlightened prayer isn’t ‘Dear God, send me someone wonderful,’ but, ‘Dear God, help me to realize that I am someone wonderful.” (p.125)
Louise Hay’s book YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE offers us the tools with which to love ourselves and to transform our health and relationships. To find the place inside us where we know our true divinity and can say without reservation or apology that we love ourselves.
Louise says: “Hunting for love never brings the right partner. It only creates longing and unhappiness. Love is never outside ourselves; love is within us.”
Love is who we are when we dis-cover ourselves.
Many Blessings, Monica